Rebecca: [00:00:00] I'm in a mix of chaos at the beginning of 2023. You can see if you're watching the video behind me, I'm in the studio and we're going through some renovations and some removal list. So it's not my usual shiny video peeps, but it's all right.
The audio's good, the travel mic's on, and today I'm excited to launch today's episode at the beginning of 2023 with such an amazing topic with an amazing guest. I've got J-Go on the show who's gonna be talking all about body confidence and self-love, something that we all need, especially after those Christmas kilos, right?
Jo: Yes. Thanks for having me, Rebecca. I'm so glad to be here.
Rebecca: It's gonna be so much fun. I'm very much looking forward to it. Now this episode is gonna go to air post Christmas. So with that in mind, we'll frame the conversation based on people have overindulged, you know, we've had a great time, it's been festive season.
, but before we dive into the whole confidence piece, you know, give me a bit of background on you. Like why you do the work that you do. What got you to that point? Tell me all the things.
Jo: I went to school for exercise and sports science, so very much in the fitness background.
I started teaching group fitness and I quickly realized with fitness and dieting, there was so much pressure on, you know, trying to get smaller and trying to, you know, lose weight, which nothing wrong with that, but it was in a form of hating yourself in order to do so. So you were punishing yourself for the food that you ate during the holidays.
So you need to work out more or this, that and the other. And over time I started to realise like there has to be a better way. There has to be a different way [00:02:00] to approach this. And so I personally started to shift my relationship with my body. I started to go into the gym and instead of focusing on getting smaller, I focused on getting stronger.
I started to focus on what food made me feel good instead of trying to go on a diet. And all these things really broke up all the self-worth connection to my size that I had for so long. Where I thought, you know, if I was smaller, then more people would like me or I'd feel more confident.
And that's just not the case. You could be in a different size and still step into your confidence and you should embrace your body where you're at. Even if it does change in the future or in the past or whatever. So I basically started doing this for myself and I started to train clients in the gym.
And then I really shifted into the mindset component because I quickly realised, ooh, when you're trying to make changes with your body, your mindset is so wrapped up in that when it comes to your self-confidence and your self-worth. And so I started to do that and I've been helping women, you know, step into their confidence, feel good naked, and just really embrace who they are without feeling like they need to constantly apologise for it.
Rebecca: I love that so much because we're surrounded by it, right? We're surrounded by that pressure and the pressure we put on ourselves. We've all been guilty of it. It's a lot of work to get us to a point where we look in the mirror and go, yeah, you look great today. Let's go. But it takes a lot of work to get there.
Now, you've obviously come from a fitness background. We're very different people, very different people. I'm not, I'm not sporty in the slightest. For people that aren't in that background of fitness, it can be one of those pieces, , that is scary to get into. Particularly, you know, I'm in my early thirties, the thought of going to the gym and not knowing how any of that stuff works, scares the living daylights out of me, right?
Where do you start with people that don't have that fitness background?
Jo: I work with a lot of people because I know that gym intimidation is the term that I'll use. Gym intimidation is real.
So you walk into a gym and you're, you can feel really intimidated. And that's in any environment where you just feel like there's a lot of unknown around you. Right. It just feels a little bit like I'm not in my comfort zone and it's [00:04:00] scary and it's easier to just go home. It's easier to just not do the workout or not do any of those things.
And so I always say like, start with small shifts. So maybe if right now you're just getting into moving your body again, it could just be starting with daily walks outside. And then it could turn into maybe you do, you know, some YouTube videos at home. And then when you start to get a little more comfortable moving your body, you can get some dumbbells, do some weights, or you can go into the gym and you know, find a space that feels comfortable for you. And I will tell you, as someone who, like I again, taught in the gym, I know how people's minds work with it. Everyone is so focused on their own ish, they're so caught up in like their own stuff. Whether it's their own self-confidence issues or just their own workout to where they're not worried about you.
So don't worry too much about it.
Rebecca: I love that. I compare that to video too. It's like no one's watching your eyes do the weird thing that only you can see them do.
Jo: Like we're so caught up in it right. So caught up in our own, in our own stuff, and so if you start to just kind of get uncomfortable a little bit when it comes to your workouts, maybe you try just going to the gym, but you stay in the cardio corner, that's okay.
Maybe the next time you try a class or you know, you do try one of the exercise videos, you know, YouTube is great. You can typically look up something and figure out what it is, but just start small and then slowly start to branch out and you'll get more confident and give yourself some grace. Don't beat yourself up if you're not a professional Olympic weight training athlete by the time, you know, leave the gym that day. So that's really my little bits of advice. I hope that was helpful.
Rebecca: Oh, it, it's super helpful. I mean, you are talking to someone now that has a, a gym in the garage and I've never used any of the things like , we had the gym equipment in our spare room, in our apartment and we've just bought a house in the country and all that gym equipment went to the storage locker cuz we needed the space.
And then that gym equipment's now in the garage. And I think I've been with my husband now, well six years I think we've been together in total. We've probably used it three times in that time. Like I, you know, we are those people that just go, I've got all the gear and absolutely no idea. So starting small [00:06:00] is probably a good place to go, but you don't just do the, the exercise piece.
Right. And this is what I find interesting. It's the food stuff as well. You know, I I love on your website I was scrolling through earlier, I wanna eat my ice cream with like no side of guilt. Yeah I mean, I did eat a whole cup of Ben and Jerry's last week, so, you know, I didn't feel guilty about it.
But how do you balance that out? I mean, particularly here in Australia I know that a lot of friends for me, have grown up with weight conscious parents who were always trying to do the healthy way of cooking and the healthy way of food. And that has sort of siloed into conversations and the food that people cook and how they perceive it, you know, being made or what have you.
How do you navigate that when they've got, it's so entrenched in people's upbringing in terms of, oh, you shouldn't cook with butter, for example.
Jo: Yeah, so it's crazy. That's why I said when I started doing this, so much of it mindset is so wrapped up in this and even our generational, like things that are passed down through us, are wrapped up in food and how we move our body and even our own self-worth around our body image.
And so with my clients, I try
and help them break up with the the shoulds, because a lot of times you're like, oh, I should be eating this. I should be working out. Or the way we talk about ourselves and the way we talk about food. So the first step is to just kind of audit, like, how am I speaking about myself right now?
How am I speaking about my body? It's very quickly, you know, it's easy for us to wanna beat ourselves up. If you guys are coming outta the holidays, you know, having eaten more, maybe you haven't worked out in like a week or a month or a year, and all you can think about is all you feel like you should have done this past year.
And instead of allowing yourself to step into like what's possible for you when it comes to movement, when it comes to food, you're getting caught up in what you've been taught as a child and also just like you are feeling like you're missing the mark as far as your goals. And so I talk to my clients about releasing the guilt whether it's brought on by parents or relationships or whatever, or yourself and start to just focus on, well what can I focus on? What can [00:08:00] I add? And so when it comes to food, instead of being like, oh, I have to stop eating sweets, and I have to completely go on this diet, and you know, restart like that isn't helping.
Cuz you probably in the past, if you're listening to this, have maybe done a diet before and you know, you started it and maybe you did it for four 30 days or even two months, who knows? But then at some point you went back to the way that you were eating before and you felt guilty and then because you felt guilty it led to you, you know, overeating.
Cuz you're like, oh, it's a cheat day, or it's just whatever. And so that gets you wrapped up in feeling guilty again. And then when you feel guilty, what's the reaction? Well, I need to go back on a diet and you get stuck in this guilt habit loop where you're just constantly feeling bad about yourself.
Whereas if you take the pressure off, like I was talking about, if you take the pressure off of thinking, you have to be perfect with your eating and you just allow, if I want to have Ben and Jerry's after dinner, I can. But instead of thinking like, well, now I have to eat the whole tub, this was me, by the way, I have to eat the whole tub because I'm gonna be starting fresh tomorrow.
Like I'm gonna be good tomorrow. And so I need it out of here. And so what was out of here? I need to eat all of it and then I'll start over tomorrow. And so insteadI started to with my clients. I'm like, well, what if you told yourself, you know, I'm gonna have a serving of. this And if I really want more, I'm gonna have it for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm gonna tell myself I can eat it for breakfast tomorrow. If I really want more, I'll have it tomorrow. And like that little step of just allowing yourself like, okay, it's not restrictive anymore. You know, maybe you do or you wake up the next morning, you don't actually want it. And so having a little bit of that balance can be a good start.
And just taking the pressure off of trying to do everything perfectly. And then finally, what can you add into your diet instead of trying to take things out? Maybe try to add more greens into your food. Maybe try and add more movement into your day. We're so focused on what we feel like we shouldn't be doing and what we need to take away.
We're not actually thinking about the habits and the mindsets that we should be implementing into our life to really step into that you know, healthy living, that whatever that is for your definition.
Rebecca: You mentioned should a few times there. Like for me, someone taught me a long, long [00:10:00] time ago, like, should, could like, you know, should, what, what does that mean?
That's just an added pressure that you put on yourself to please others. That has been removed from my language for a very long time now. Like, I should do this. Well, nah, I mean, I could do, I want to. you know, so it's, it's that kind of balance. So I love that you've brought that in cause it is a negative word.
On previous podcast episodes to me, I've talked about how we should be doing stuff over Christmas with family and we should be here and we should be there when all we really wanna do is just sit and just probably decompress
from what has been a crazy couple of years, People are listening now They've probably done those fad diet start things. But they're culturally ingrained, right? What are the things language wise that people can do to help them get out of that guilt habit? You know, that guilt circle that you talked about, and how can they educate the people around them that that language isn't okay either?
Jo: I'll start with just the language in general first because I think that's something to be aware and remember I'm always coming back to like release any sort of guilt because you might become really self-aware about things that you're doing and then all it does is lead to more guilt cuz you're like, now I'm noticing that I'm always saying should all the time and all of that.
And so I would say just kind of become self-aware. So words like you said, should is a big one. , just because. Again, you're feeling guilty about it, saying things like, just say, I'm trying to do this. Like I'm, I'm trying to eat healthier, I'm trying to do this, and the thing about that word is we're saying that because we're so afraid of failure and actually going all in on something that we wanna create change in our life
that we're just tiptoeing it. We're barely dipping our toe and actually actually doing the thing. So we say I'm trying that way. If we fail, well, you know, I didn't say I was actually gonna do it. I just said I was gonna try.
instead of saying, I try say I will, it sounds scarier to be like, I will eat healthier.
I will start, prioritizing my own needs over my business, or I will start walking every single day or walking five times a week or whatever. You know, that sounds scarier, but if you get specific with it, it'll actually lead to you creating change instead of you continuing to feel caught up in excuses [00:12:00] and guilt, which is not where we wanna sit cause that's not helping anything.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm. , and that's almost the base of manifestation, right? It's the, it's th knowing that it will happen. It's the knowing that exactly, it is gonna be that way. So the more hesitation you put in it, the harder it is.
Jo: I love that you hit on that with manifestation. So that's like a big thing that I help my clients learn the power of our words, learn the power of our mind, and how that all relates to all of these goals.
Because I feel like sometimes there's a disconnect between people that are already doing the manifesting and understanding the mindset and, you know, they're doing self-development, but then other people, you know, they're, they're still thinking that their main goal when they started this year in January was, I need to lose weight.
I need to, you know, eat healthier. Maybe you do, but also I, I want you to ask yourself if this was something that you did start January, thinking that you wanted to be healthier, lose weight, I want you to ask yourself why. Like get to the root of why you actually want those types of changes. And then you can decide maybe that goal is actually different than what you thought it was.
Cuz you're saying that you need to lose weight. Maybe it's cuz you feel like you should lose weight because everyone's giving you that pressure, but really you just wanna feel confident in your skin or you just want to, you know, be able to take care of your kids or have a high quality life, whatever it is.
But that's just a different shift, is if you ask yourself why and get deeper to the root of that, that that'll make goals and continuing on things a whole lot easier.
Rebecca: So much so and when you were saying that, it got me thinking about our wedding day, right? So we got married at the beginning of April last year, or this year, 2022.
COVID had been a crazy stressful time. My, my business went a bit nutso. Like, you know, everyone needed video and live streaming when they were at the home., you know, .so I, I was crazy flat out busy and so, you know, everyone was finding their own stresses and we played on a few kilos.
We're all good with that. But I realized as we were running up to our wedding, , neither of us were even that slightest bit bothered about crash dieting, any other thing like absolutely didn't even [00:14:00] cross our radar until we were like four weeks out and went, I wonder there's much we can really do in four weeks.
You can't think. Yeah, you can. Yeah. Yeah. Like all good. And I just found it fascinating as you said that, to reflect on that piece because there was no pressure there. it wasn't a, oh my gosh, I need to drop the kilos to fit into the size perfect dress. We just had things made to fit us in the shapes and sizes that we were in.
Yeah. And you know, it was best weekend ever. So understanding what, why you are wanting to do the things you're wanting to do, I think is really powerful.
Jo: Absolutely. I love that. That's so awesome for you guys.
Rebecca: We had the best time I've even posted the photos all over the local newspapers and national papers cuz it was that much fun.
Like I sent, I was that person. I was that person. If just like, yeah, you know, I'll, I'll be that poster child for that self-confidence piece, which. I love that. That has been a huge thing since ditching the week for me. But I digress. I digress. So it is that, that self-love piece. And so to wrap up I guess the conversation. Conversations with ourselves are also hugely important.
Like the language that we're using externally, but also internally to ourselves. Sometimes we say things to ourselves that we would never say publicly to anyone else about the way they are or the way they look or, you know, any of those things. So do you have any habits that people can, or like little rituals that people can pick up to start their day in a really good way, or just to remember to go, you know, you look great today.
And just have those little bits of self-confidence boosting like mantras.
Jo: I'm big on affirmations and I actually have a podcast episode about bridging affirmations. What I mean by that is if you find yourself, when you're saying affirmations to yourself in the mirror and you're starting to not believe them, like you start to say, I'm confident, and then your inner self, your inner thoughts start to go.
You're not confident. Who do you think you are? Or something like that. I, I talk about bridging those and finding something you do currently can hold onto as you step into that confidence. So definitely getting into that I think would be really powerful. Couple other things when it comes to this is, starting off your [00:16:00] day to where you're pouring into yourself.
So don't immediately grab your phone. But if you can instead take 10, even 30 minutes to, you know, give yourself a little more love as you're getting ready, if you are, you know, washing your face or putting on lotion, you could speak affirmations into yourself as you are putting that lotion on your body.
It, it's something that's so small, but if you have, like me, dealt with
years and years and years of speaking negatively towards your body, if you can actually speak positively into that body, how beautiful can that shift be within your relationship with you and your body? It's like it's night and day. It takes time, but it really does heal.
And so that's something you can start doing for sure. Um, if you are struggling with affirmations or just feeling like, I don't know what I love about myself, I highly recommend, you know, like phone a friend, you know, shoot them a text and be like, what are three things you love about me? And then add those three things plus anything.
That comes to you, put 'em on a sticky note on your mirror, and then actually, you know, when you read them, don't just read them and forget about it. Feel that in your body again. When you're reading those affirmations and feeling that in your body, your body can hold that in and that can help heal again, that relationship if you did struggle with that in the past.
And then finally, my favorite thing when it comes to, you know, feeling good in your skin would be to go naked, more . So it sounds a little weird. But what I mean by that is, you know metaphorically getting more vulnerable with yourself I think is a big thing. So I talked about today asking why. So starting
to ask yourself, well, why am I speaking this way about myself? You know, why do I feel the need to have to lose weight? Why do just continue to kind of check in with yourself. That can be a good way to be vulnerable or get naked. And then actually being naked around your house. And that might sound a little bit scary for some people.
You could just do something where you're wearing, you know, maybe a little bit less clothing just for you. This is not for anyone else. This is just so, like, as you're doing yoga, as you're stretching, you're seeing your body, and instead of immediately jumping towards negative self-talk, you can be like, wow, body
thank you for being here right now in this moment. Thank you for, you know, allowing me to sit and stretch and be [00:18:00] in this space right now. And so, something so simple is that it might sound weird and crazy, but I promise you it makes so much of a difference. So hopefully you guys can take some of those things to heart and let me know which one works best for you.
But yeah, I love talking about this stuff.
Rebecca: I absolutely love that, that final piece just get naked. Like what's, what's better than that? Right? Like amazing. I love it. And what you had me at Post-it notes, right? I am the Post-It note queen. I love myself a good post-it note, a good affirmation on a Post-it note, post-it notes for everything.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and your wisdom on the show. Where can people find you, J-Go?
I know they can tune into your podcast, but where do they find that?
Jo: Yeah, so we are streaming everywhere that podcasts are found Confidently Uncomfortable with J Go. Definitely go listen to Rebecca's episode. That would be around the same time as this one airs, and you can also find me on TikTok or Instagram.
J Go FitLife. I'll put it, give you guys that for the show notes or XO j, go. Yeah, I gotcha.
Rebecca: Love it. Amazing. Thank you so much. We'll put that on the show notes and thank you for tuning in, watching and listening. We'll see you next time.